i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
