My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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