She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
