All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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