Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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