She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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