I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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