your thong is hanging out like whoa
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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