wake up i wanna do it froggy style
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
