walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
