you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
