please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
