I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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