This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This is classic penis vs brain.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
not ubering you a puppy
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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