First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
