well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
