Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
