i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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