Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
