y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
