I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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