I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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