Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize