was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
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Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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