his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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