Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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