Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
