Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
