if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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