The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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