I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
