Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
