i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
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I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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