Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude i'm inner monologue high
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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