She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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