I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I want to be your penis for a week.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
