check it out our google latitudes are spooning
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
