bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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