I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
