Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize