Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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