He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
