What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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