It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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