Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
