would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
