My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize