this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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