I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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