i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
