Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I touched a dick in church today
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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