What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
