Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize