She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
