You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
