I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
