he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just want to make out with him forever
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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