just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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