hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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