My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
