okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
