"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
