i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
